Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
