Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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