Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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