I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it because I queefed?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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