how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He? As in you personified your dick?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize