i don't like sucking hair
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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