Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
