I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
