What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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