Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
