Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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