He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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