puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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