my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
