i don't like sucking hair
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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