Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
