Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize