oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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