just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
