You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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