Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
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