i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
