Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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