yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
