White coat. Heels.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
