the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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