I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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