yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
