just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
