Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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