I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
