I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
