Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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