I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
