I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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