Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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