i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
