can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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