Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
