I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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