I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
