oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
