I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
