She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
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