"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
