My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
