So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
