Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
