Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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