you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
