Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
