It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
