A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
