This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i now understand why vodka
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
