somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
