Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
