yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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