well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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