he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
