First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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