Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
