I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
