If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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