I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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