Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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