I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
